Thursday, 03 March 2011
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I Have Standards
Over the past few weeks I've had a few people ask me if I was going to to talk about Charlie Sheen's recent uptick in crazy. Aside from getting fired by CBS and dropping out of rehab again, Charlie has been on an interviewing rampage. The result has been an embarassment of insane Charlie Sheen quote riches for all of the tabloid and comic world (that would be me) to enjoy.
So why haven't I talked about this yet?
Because I have standards, that's why!
Charlie Sheen has become such an easy target that it doesn't even seem fun to join in the public flogging. He has become the crazy famous people equivalent of the fattest kid in dodgeball history! Have you ever played a three year old in Scrabble? If you did, and you won, would you take pride in this accomplishment? No, you wouldn't, cause that would make you a dick.
It used to be that Charlie was a fully functioning human being who had tendencies to do crazy shit. To me, a person like that is fair game. Things are different now. This dude is full blown, mentally deranged, insane in the membrane crazy! The only reason we are making fun of him is because he is not a real person to us. He has become a charicature of a real person. Would you make fun of your sick crazy uncle like this? Would you go down to your local insane asylum and crack jokes on the patients? No, you wouldn't, cause that would make you a dick.
Now look, I get why people are talking about this. Some of the stuff he has been saying over the last few weeks has just been too good. It's like watching a car crash, mixed with a fireworks display, mixed with a really good porno. NO WAY YOU ARE LOOKING AWAY FROM THAT! But once something has been said ad nauseum, what point is there in saying it again.
I've been watching all these late night comics use Charlie Sheen quotes over and over again, and yes some of them have been amusing. Its hard not to crack a smile when someone is saying stuff like...
"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total freakin' rock star from Mars."
"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
Here's the thing about people like Davd Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel cracking jokes about this stuff. Its not Jimmy Kimmel making me laugh. The quotes do all the work for him. Its like George W. Bush all over again. Make a funny voice, repeat the quote, and BOOM, instant joke. I can't tell you how many comedians I've seen use this formula without any hesitation. Would you take someone else's term paper and put your name on it? Would you be okay receiving accolades and praise for their work? No, you wouldn't, cause that would make you a dick.
Are you starting to see a theme here? Have you gotten the moral of the story? If not, well I guess you're just a dick.
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Comments (30)
I get the moral! You are not a dick and you don't want to be either! :D I'm with you on this.
I am proud to say that I am not a dick, nor do I own a dick.
Besides, that shit is on youtube if I can't look away.
Wow. This was awesome.
Nicely played. A "Charlie Sheen" post without it being a "Charlie Sheen" - I tip my hat to you, sir! XP
I'm so glad you have standards.
Show tonight?
~V
@TheMarriedFreshman - GENDER EQUALITY WILL BE TONIGHT'S TOPIC! Ready for battle?
@cmdr_keen - and a tip of the hat back to you!
@MiaJoyTheWriter - Actually, the moral of this story is don't do drugs.
@pewterrose - He is a machine.
@EmpathyAndReason - Thanks. I have had this in my back pocket for a few days.
@vanedave - Hahahaha, I'm probably more likely to try and explain the genders to each side, but I'll enjoy the banter. You better have your mom on this one!
LOL.
Honestly I saw some of the shit he said and I was like, "no wonder his publicist quit! there is no rescue for this guy!!!"
Personally I look forward to the [truthful] rumour of John Stamos replacing him. Do you know how hot that mofo has become?! Uncle Jessie was a putz but STAMOS NOW??????? SOOOOOOOOOO HOT!! BE STILL MY LOINS!!!
Yeah, it's kinda funny. But mostly it's just sad. Glad to know you have standards though. I mean, if I happen to fall off the wrong side of crazy and start going all Charlie Sheen on Xanga (yes, I did just make him a verb), I'm hoping you'll have mercy.
I hope my life can have as much win as this.
I see what you did there.
Besides this post..I had no idea what was going on with Charlie Sheen.
I agree sir
yes. excellent points you make.
@haloed - yeah. Stamos is pretty smokin. I even had to give him props last year.
@Roadlesstaken - don't hold your breath.
@MyxlDove - I will be anxiously awaiting your downfall.
@haloed - John Stamos
@haloed - lol. I just went back and looked at that post. You were the FIRST comment! haha. You do love you some STAMOS!!!
honestly, i've never had respect for charlie sheen until all this publicity. he's not crazy. he's telling it like it is. the media circus is simply depicting him as this lunatic. i bet we'll see him get paid out by warner and cbs.
@vanedave - LOL HOW HUMILIATING. I'm gonna go blush in a corner now.... LOL
I just don't get it... it's not that funny to me. And I LOVE making fun of people when they're at their lowest... because I AM a dick. :(
@vanedave - Funny, that's not what was repeated in red throuhgout the post. You are misleading! :P
that's exactly how i feel! i've been telling everyone who talks shit about him to me this. he obviously has problems... he's having psychiatric issues and he doesn't need this. its awful :( he needs help... not to be poked fun at. great post.